A conversation

This morning, I opened the front door to a package of clothes I had ordered via internet a week and a half ago. I’ve given up shopping in the store. Something about the atmosphere causes me to Lose My Shit over the clothes I try on, because I have an oddly shaped body and a low self esteem. They don’t make clothes for girls with big boobs, wide hips, and a flat ass. It makes for a lot of self loathing and vaguely suicidal thoughts when trying on clothes. I also won’t pay a lot, which explains my bad fashion sense.

“What’s that? Your camera?” I had ordered a 1907 Kodak Brownie 2A, and was anticipating its arrival without any dignity whatsoever.

“No, these are the clothes I ordered that UPS never bothered to update the tracking on.”

“Ah.”

“Their tracking sucks. They told me when it left, and they tell me when it arrives. Who the hell knows where it goes in between.”

“Their billing sucks too, which is why I switched carriers.”

“Interesting. Well, I suppose I should go try these on.”

“Should I call 911 and get them over here so you don’t kill yourself?”

My husband, he knows me so well. “No, but you might want to keep them on standby, just in case.”

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About That One Girl

I do a bang up job of pretending to be a stay at home wife and mother. I also pretend to be a writer with my blog A Center in the Insanity. (https://acenterintheinsanity.wordpress.com, go check it out!)

Posted on 2011/07/13, in Crazy and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. OMFG I so hear you on trying on clothes. I’m also not shaped anything remotely like what they expect me to be – big belly but moderate hips and small boobs, and of course everyone knows that fat girls don’t have small boobs… I pretty much only ever get clothes when the ones I’m using are too worn out to physically exist anymore, and while I blame it on being broke or being lazy or whatnot, but honestly it’s because it drives my body image issues and self loathing THROUGH THE ROOF.

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